Tantrums and Meltdowns: What’s Really Going On (And What You Can Do About It)

Let’s face it… tantrums and meltdowns are the universal parenting experience. Whether your child is 3 or 13, the day will come when you ask them to put on shoes, and they respond as if you’ve asked them to climb Everest barefoot.

Before we go further: if you’ve ever googled “How to survive my child’s meltdown without crying in the pantry,” you’re in the right place. You’re not a bad parent. Your child’s not a “bad kid.” You’re just living in the wild, wondrous world of parenting a highly sensitive child and there is a better way through it.

Let’s break down what’s really happening during those high-volume, high-drama moments, and what to do about it (without resorting to punishment, threats, or bribing with fruit snacks).

Tantrum vs. Meltdown: There Is a Difference

Tantrums are often goal-oriented. Your child wants something… attention, cookies, a pet alligator and they’re using volume and drama to get it. (Think: performance with a purpose.)

Meltdowns, on the other hand, are a total emotional shutdown. These happen when a child hits their limit, usually due to sensory overload, emotional overwhelm, or something even they can’t quite name. It’s not manipulative. It’s neurological.

And here’s the kicker: during a meltdown, your child does not have control over their behavior. Their nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode, and they’re not capable of thinking clearly, listening, or making a “better choice” in that moment.

So if you’ve been thinking, “They know better!”—they might. But knowing better doesn’t equal doing better when their body feels like it’s under threat from a sock seam or the wrong brand of applesauce.

What Tantrums and Meltdowns Are Really Telling You

The next time your child explodes over something that seems minor (“You cut my toast in triangles, not squares!!”), take a breath. Underneath the outburst is unmet need… usually something they don’t know how to express yet.

That child’s behavior you’re seeing? It’s the symptom. The signal. The body’s way of saying, “I need help, and I don’t have the words.”

Sometimes the need is physical (they’re tired, hungry, overstimulated). Sometimes it’s emotional (they’re anxious, jealous, or disappointed). And sometimes it’s just… Tuesday.

Your job isn’t to fix the feeling. It’s to connect, co-regulate, and guide them back to calm—not force them into it.

But Melissa… What Do I Do Instead?

Let me guess. You’ve tried:

Taking away the tablet
Yelling until your throat hurts
Saying, “That’s it, no dessert until you’re 18!”

I get it. We all reach for the tools we were handed growing up. But here’s the hard truth: punishment doesn’t work.

It doesn’t teach accountability. It doesn’t stop the behavior long term. And it definitely doesn’t make your child feel safe, seen, or supported.

In fact, when children are punished they often feel:

Ashamed
Angry
Confused
Emotionally disconnected from you

And worst of all? They don’t actually learn to take responsibility for their actions.

Want something better?

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Better Behavior without Punishment
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In this free training, I’ll teach you the exact tools I use with my private clients to go from chaotic days filled with power struggles to peaceful, respectful connections. You’ll learn how to hold your child accountable without yelling, shaming, or bribing… yes, even if your child has a flair for the dramatic.

Tantrums Aren’t Personal (Even If They Feel That Way)

Here’s the thing… tantrums and meltdowns aren’t about you.

I know, I know. It feels personal when your child screams “I HATE YOU!” because you won’t let them lick the cat. But it’s not a reflection of your worth as a parent. It’s a reflection of their overwhelmed brain and underdeveloped regulation skills.

And the more sensitive or strong-willed your child is, the more intense these moments can be.

That’s why I created something for parents who are done trying to patch things together with random tips from Instagram reels.

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Inside the Mastermind, you’ll learn how to:

Discipline without punishment (and still get respect and cooperation)
Handle ADHD, ODD, lying, and manipulation—without making things worse
Talk to teachers, family, and friends about your child with confidence (and less unsolicited advice)
Finally get your partner on the same page with parenting (yes, even that partner)
Turn sibling rivalry into teamwork
Move through transitions without meltdowns
Create a calm, connected home… that actually feels good to live in

If you’ve ever ended the day thinking, “I love my kid, but wow, that was a lot,” this is the space for you.

Final Thoughts from the Trenches

Raising kids who feel deeply and express it loudly is not for the faint of heart. It’s noisy. It’s emotional. It’s exhausting. And sometimes, yes, it’s funny (later. Much later.)

But underneath every tantrum and meltdown is a child who wants to feel safe and understood, and a parent who wants to do right by them.

You don’t need to yell louder. You don’t need to be tougher. You just need better tools, and a little support.

That’s why I do what I do. Because when you know what’s actually going on in your child’s brain and body, everything changes.

You can stop reacting and start responding. You can move from conflict to connection. And you can show your child how to manage the big, messy, beautiful world of emotions, by modeling it yourself.

Tantrums and meltdowns don’t mean you’re doing it wrong. They mean your child needs your help learning to do it right.

You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.